


Fruit Bats

by CatChan, chibi_nightowl



Series: Myth-Bats [1]
Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Batfamily shenanigans, Fruit Ninja, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatChan/pseuds/CatChan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_nightowl/pseuds/chibi_nightowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wow.”</p>
<p>“I could totally fucking do that.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ttt</em>, I would wipe the floor with all of you.”</p>
<p>The four sons of the Batman look at each other, wide and rather bloodthirsty grins appearing on each of their faces.</p>
<p><em>Game on</em>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It starts with Tim moaning and groaning over one of his favorite TV shows ending. He’s been a fan of _Mythbusters_ for _years_ and takes great pride in being able to say he’s seen all the episodes at least twice, if not necessarily when they aired, but when he finds time to catch up on the backlog that is his DVR. The final season, he makes a special point to record all the episodes, planning one last binge watching session after the last episode airs. 

Then life and _Gotham_ happen and the episodes sit almost forgotten for months, then almost a year. 

When he finally sits down and watches them, Tim gets stuck on the fourth episode of the last season. Video games. 

While the real-life _Doom_ part is interesting, it’s a bit too close to real life for him. But the _Fruit Ninja_ part…well, this is worth sharing. 

“Wow.” 

“I could totally fucking do that.” 

“ _Ttt_ , I would wipe the floor with all of you."

The four sons of the Batman look at each other, wide and rather bloodthirsty grins appearing on each of their faces. 

Game on. 

***** 

It’s easy enough to set up a makeshift rig like in the show using one of Bruce’s large trophy cases down in the Batcave. Alfred simply raises an eyebrow when Dick explains what they’re doing. 

“Mind you make liberal use of the plastic on the floor, sir.” 

“Sure thing, Alfred!” 

Bruce doesn’t say anything, though he does watch closely as his boys assemble. He’s torn between being happy to see them working together without coming to blows (especially Jason) and concern over what he knows will be a _massive_ mess. His eyebrow twitches slightly over Jason’s _Buttman_ shirt. But underneath all that is a growing desire to join his sons in their antics. 

“So are we doing this just like in the show?” Dick stares up at the platform, then down at the fruit bins Tim and Jason are filling with apples, oranges, and bananas. He doesn’t say anything, but he’s a bit worried when Jason starts hefting the watermelons and coconuts, testing the weight, a vicious smirk twisting at his lips as he eyes Dick in return. 

Damian is behind them, testing his various katana and trying to determine which one would be best for slashing fruit to pieces. 

“I think that’s best to start with,” Tim replies, ignoring the tension rising around him. They’ll settle down when the fruit starts flying. “It’ll be our bench test.” 

“As long as we each get a “test”, Replacement. Those guys are all about their science and control tests,” Jason comments, tossing a pineapple back and forth between his hands. 

“I think you’ve watched the show before,” Tim challenges, hands on hips with a smile playing on his lips. Who’d have thought he’d have something in common with the former Robin (aside from being Robin and replaced by a newer model; he squashes those thoughts down firmly and shoves them away). 

“I deny your reality and substitute my own.” Jason gives him an arch look, the vicious edge he often has around any of them gone. 

“I wish I could deny reality,” he dishes right back. “I think my retinas have burned out.” Tim looks pointedly at Dick. 

Jason just shakes his head as the oldest bird preens and spins slowly, showing off his bright yellow yoga pants and ripped kaleidoscope shirt. It was something he’d tie-dyed _forever_ ago. 

“You said to wear clothes you didn’t mind getting dirty!” Dick laughs and turns to the youngest bird. “You figure out the best sword yet, lil’ D?” 

Damian takes one last swipe. “For myself, I have.” 

“You said you were going to let us all use the same sword.” 

“I have. This one will work best for me. I care not how it works for the rest of you.” With that, Damian sheathes his katana and walks towards the massive display case. One of Harley’s hammers peeks out from under the tarp laid over the top of it. 

Typical. Tim rolls his eyes and starts checking his camera equipment. He’s not missing any of this. 

“So who goes first?” asks Dick. 

“Draw straws?” 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” 

“That’s for three people, Todd.” 

“You’re half a person, half demon spawn. You don’t count.” 

“I know! Oldest first!” Dick grins wide, shoving a hand in front of Damian to keep him from charging Jason. 

“That’s a great idea,” Bruce says, getting up from his computer. He’s finally made up his mind. “Damian, your sword please.” 

All four of the boys (because they’ll forever be boys in Bruce’s eyes) stare at him in varying degrees of shock and surprise. 

“Uh, Bruce? Do you even know what we’re doing?” asks Dick. 

“Yes. Tim explained while he was setting everything up. Though he’s been calling it _Fruit Bats_ rather than _Fruit Ninja_.” 

Dick shakes his head in amusement. “Yeah, that sounds about right.” 

Tim grins. This development is not entirely unexpected. “Ok, here’re the rules. Three tossers, 60 seconds on the timer. No aiming for the body, just up in the air in front of the person on the platform so that the fruit arcs right in front of them.” 

“We should make this a challenge and include cherry bombs.” The vicious grin is back on Jason’s face. 

“For once, I agree with Todd,” Damian says, handing his father his katana and watching him take a few practice swings. 

“Perhaps later.” The thought is not entirely unappealing to Tim. He’d have to set up his high-speed camera; he’s pretty sure he brought it. “We’d need to make them first and we’re all set for this run.” 

Dick shakes his head again. It doesn’t surprise him in the slightest that Tim and Jason share a penchant for things that go _boom_ ; Damian is hit or miss. He takes his place in front of one of the fruit bins. 

The youngest bird looks undecided for a moment, then takes his place next to Dick. 

“Ain’t no way in hell I’m gonna miss throwing fruit at Bruce.” Jason takes his place at the last bin. 

“It’s in front of Bruce, not at him, Lil’ Wing.” 

“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.” 

Tim stands by the timer. “Tossers, protective glasses on. Ready when you are, B.” 

Bruce climbs to the top of the case and takes his stance as the boys below put on their goggles. “Ready.” 

“Aaannnddd, _GO_!” Tim shouts, activating the timer. It also starts recording everything while he takes a few pictures of his own with his old camera. Sometimes the classics really are the best and he looks forward to developing the film himself later. 

The fruit flies hard and fast, three, then six pieces rising in rapid succession in front of the trophy case. Bruce is ready though, slicing cleanly and with sharp precision with his son’s second favorite sword. 

“Goddammit, he’s not missing!” shouts Jason, tossing a tomato up in the air. 

“Faster, you imbeciles!” Damian cries out, chucking a coconut upwards. 

“Try varying the heights!” Dick tosses some bananas into a higher arc in front of Bruce. 

Bruce smoothly and serenely slices through everything, wearing a look of concentration and focus they all know is his default expression when wearing the cowl. 

Now there’s some food for thought, Tim thinks to himself. _What if we were all in costume?_

“ _TIME_!” he calls and starts laughing. 

“What the fuck, Replacement? He just beat us.” Jason growls at him and chucks a slice of an orange in his direction. 

Tim catches it easily, still laughing. “It’s just…you all looked so ridiculous throwing fruit at Bruce. I couldn’t help but imagine what this would have looked like if we were all in costume.” 

At that, Dick loses it. “Oh my god, that’d be the _best_!!” he laughs uproariously. 

Jason looks thoughtful for a moment, then grins toothily. “Where do I sign up?” 

“ _Ttt_ , it serves no point other than to make a mockery of Batman.” Damian’s little face scrunches up in disapproval. 

“I agree with Damian. This is a good exercise in precision and control, as well as teambuilding. But no costumes.” Bruce climbs down off the case, careful to watch his footing in the sliced remains of the fruit he’d just decimated. 

Dick sighs. “Fine.” Then, faster than a light bulb, he brightens up. “I’m next!”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Batfamcontent war over on Tumblr, the wonderful CatChan was inspired to finish some fanart she's been working on for Fruit Bats over the last several months. She also wrote a wonderful little side piece for Tim as he was doing all the work to add the costumes to the recordings he made of the main event. 
> 
> So Fruit Bats, one of my very first stories, has gotten a face lift, a new chapter, and some fan art! Enjoy! -chibinightowl

Tim yawns and rubs at his eyes. He’s tired, which is nothing new, but he wants to finish this before more work piles up. Uncertain of what he may have just missed, he rewinds the video a couple of seconds and spots a tiny morsel of apple. Double clicking on it, the action informs the software it was part of the fruit.

The software is smart enough to distinguish the immobile background from the active foreground, but discriminating Tim's brothers from smashed fruit is apparently a tedious and delicate task that requires his genius brain. He could code a sub-program to do it for him, but it would take him longer to create it than to just manually input the edits. Plus, this whole thing is a relaxing, mindless task. These are few and far between for him.

Twenty minutes in, Tim has three streams of his recordings. The first is mostly immobile of the cave, the second of Bruce's sword moving on its own and slicing self-propelled fruit, and the third of his brothers and father agitating themselves with wide, ridiculous movements in the void.

The edits alone are amusing as hell.

He smirks and resets the last video to double check he hasn't missed any chunk of fruit that would run the risk of disappearing into someone's costume, and especially pass through Batman's cape and reappear at the bottom of it, like a bad special effect. But in reality, it’s to laugh at the ridiculous dance the absence of fruit causes.

Once Tim is absolutely certain no stray fruit has escaped him, he starts positioning the joints for the software to track.

It isn't hard (a bit dull actually), so Tim quickly finds himself looking at the giant penny and the Tyrannosaurus Rex with a speculative eye. _Isn't the point of all this to add costumes?_

Rex is soon garbed in a red jacket, old style domino mask, and canary yellow cape (the scaly green undies were unnecessary, the dinosaur already being green), and Tim adds a cowl on Abraham Lincoln's solemn face, snickering as he does.

_And people say I have no sense of humor._

Tim smiles at his work, then his eyes stray back to his family and he pouts. Still all the joints to go. _Or_ …with another huge grin, he sticks a dopey smiley face on each member of his family.

With this distraction in place, he feels better about finishing the tedious work, despite how Dick's god-awful kaleidoscope shirt seemed to confuse the software as to where his spine is. There’s an ongoing joke in the caped community that Nightwing’s spine is non-existent, that there’s an elastic band in place of where normal people have vertebrae.

Soon enough, he is forced to remove the smileys to map everyone's faces, and then it’s just a matter of fishing their costume's specs from the database and adding them in, rendering some lighting effects, and sandwiching all the recordings together again. He changes the material settings to make Batman and Robin’s capes more fluttery looking, just because he _can_.

Tim watches the finished product with a huge smile, then removes the penny and dinosaur's costumes. These little amusements were for him, his reward for a job well done.

He looks over his work one more time and hits send, the promised video going out to Dick and Jason, as well as Cass and Stephanie. They’d been out of the country for the big event and Steph swore she’d kill him if he didn’t send it to her.

Sitting back, Tim stretches and yawns. He’s tired, but doesn’t feel like sleeping quite yet. He stares at the computer screen. _All the prep work for a single use seems wasteful_. A grin spreads on his face as he gets a _wicked_ idea. Images of Disney princess costumes appear in his browser window and an older file with their previous costume designs is added alongside that.

_No one needs to know. Well, maybe Alfred. He deserves a laugh._

*****

A couple weeks after their real life take on _Fruit Ninja_ , Jason is somewhere in Indonesia of all places with the Outlaws when he gets a call from Dick. “Have you checked your email recently?” the big bird asks.

“Been a bit busy, Dickieboy,” Jason replies as he clears the gap between buildings and takes a shot at the goon chasing after him. He goes down, giving him a chance to talk. “Something I should be aware of?”  
  
Dick laughs. “Just be sure to look at the video Tim sent a few days ago. It’ll be well worth your time.”

Jason shrugs. “Whatever, Goldilocks. I’ve got work to do.” He sees a big explosion in the distance and disconnects, running towards his partners. _And they call me the pyro._

Later that night, he sits down with a beer and his laptop, pulling up his email. Sure enough, there’s a video file from the Replacement from four days ago. Jason opens it and takes a sip from the can.

He promptly starts wheezing and gasping for air as he chokes, trying to stop laughing.

On the screen is the recording Tim made from when he and his brothers replicated _Fruit Ninja_ Bat-style. But rather than the jeans, sweatpants, and t-shirts they’d all been wearing (and the godawful pants Dick wore), Tim has somehow rendered them all in their normal costumes.

Nightwing in his bright blue finger stripes, Robin grinning viciously, and him in his leather jacket and a red domino. Up on the display case is Batman, dark and forbidding in cape and cowl, slicing fruit with Robin’s katana.

The clip ends when Tim shouts “ _TIME!_ ”

Jason plays it one more time for himself, and then forwards it to Roy. He grins and takes another swig from his beer, wondering how Bruce is going to explain this at the next Justice League meeting.

_Not my problem._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more fun Batfam shenanigans, check out #batfamcontentwar over on Tumblr!


End file.
